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Rotten Beard LazyTown Script As Originally Re-Written
From An Early Draft
By LZT Script Consultant, Ken Pontac
From An Early Draft
By LZT Script Consultant, Ken Pontac
| August 11, 2004 Page 1 of 2 FADE IN: INT. AIRSHIP - DAY SPORTACUS lands in frame heroically. He flips backward and lands on the round floor pad. The table slides out. He pulls a racket out of his backpack and slices the air with it. He slides the racket on the floor under the table then does an amazing flip over the table. He lands and reaches down as the racket slides into his hand. He picks up a tomato from the table and tosses it in the air. The racket arcs through the air as Sportacus fully extends his arm and smashes the tomato. The tomato rolls around the circumference of the airship. Meanwhile, Sportacus slides the racket along the floor again and flips over the table again. He lands and manipulates the racket with his feet and catches the racket with his hand. By now the tomato reaches him again and he slices it with the racket. Toast pops up from the toaster. Sportacus catches a piece of toast with the racket and then turns to catch the falling tomato. He sets a piece of lettuce on the sandwich. Another piece of toast pops up. Sportacus turns just in time to catch the other piece of toast, completing his sandwich. Sportacus turns toward camera and smiles. CUT TO: MAIN TITLES SWOOSH TO: EXT. AIRSHIP - DAY THE POLE-THINGIE lowers down from above, Sportacus on it. He whips out a collapsible telescope and uncollapses it, twirling it handily. He looks through it, scanning the town below: STEPHANIE (O.S.) (from afar) Help! Help! SPORTACUS That sounds like Stephanie! His pan with the telescope stops! CUT TO: EXT. CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS TELESCOPE POV - of Stephanie: STEPHANIE Help! Help! EXT. AIRSHIP - CONTINUOUS Sportacus twirls and throws aside his telescope. SPORTACUS (looking up) Ladder! The ladder falls and he scrambles down. EXT. CITY HALL - CONTINUOUS Stephanie, C.U.: STEPHANIE Help! Someone save me!! EXT. CITY HALL - DAY FLIP! FLIP! FLIP! Sportacus is racing towards Stephanie. SPORTACUS Don't worry, Stephanie! I'm coming! C.U., STEPHANIE: STEPHANIE Heeeelllppp! Sportacus hops walls, mailbox, leaps into frame just as Stephanie is stepping off a board into the unknown... SPORTACUS Got you! ...POP! SQUEAKY! SQUEAKY! A LOUD BALLOON POP is heard, as Sportacus lands in frame, and Stephanie stops short. REVEAL THAT Stephanie, in pink pirate outfit, is standing on a board on some sawhorses. ZIGGY He popped my balloon! We see Ziggy holding the remains of a balloon in his hand. STINGY And he squushed our shark. Stingy holds up a SQUEAKY TOY SHARK. SPORTACUS LOOKS AROUND, CAUGHT BY SURPRISE. SPORTACUS Balloon? Shark? REVEAL THE OTHER KIDS are all dressed up as pirates, too. TRIXIE Yarrr!! We be playin' pirates, Sportacus. Pirate Stephanie the Pink was walkin' the plank! Ziggy, Stingy and Trixie are dressed in pirate outfits, too, carrying balloon swords. ZIGGY You're standing in the water. SPORTACUS Oops, sorry. I thought Stephanie was really in trouble. STEPHANIE Naw. SPORTACUS No wonder my crystal didn't blink. TRIXIE Enough jabbering. It's plank-walkin' time. Pirate Trixie the Tough takes no prisoners! And after Pinkie walks it, the rest of you scurvy thieves follow! STINGY What sea rat ate bad cheese and made you captain? I have an eye patch, so I should be in charge. TRIXIE Well, I have a hook. STINGY You're in charge. The kids all attack each other with their balloons, swashbuckling for all they're worth. SPORTACUS (laughing; leaving) Have fun, guys! Don't sink too many ships! ZOOM DOWN TO: INT. ROBBIE ROTTEN'S LAIR - DAY Robbie has his hands over his ears, hearing all the noise from above. ROBBIE Those rotten kids! Noise! Noise! Noise! Nothing but noise! He goes by a row of ear muffs (each one bigger than the last: ROBBIE (reading the types) For trucks. For jet airplanes. For rockets... He sees something O.S. ROBBIE Ahh, for kids. ...reveal the biggest ear muff of them all. He places them on his ears and waits (the noise is still loud, if tinny)... he finally rips them off and throws them aside. ROBBIE Arrrrr! Nothing works. Goes to periscope. ROBBIE What are they doing now? ZOOM UP TO: EXT. CITY HALL - DAY Ziggy is swashbuckling with his balloon. (NOTE: Every time we see Ziggy as a pirate he has the balloon until it gets taken away from him by Robbie.) The periscope pops up in the b.g. ZIGGY Pirate Ziggy says give me all of your booty! And...um - booty means candy, in case you don't know. Ziggy waves the balloon back and forth. Just then, the Mayor walks out of City Hall and stands behind Ziggy. Ziggy bops the Mayor in the head with the balloon a few times. MAYOR MEANSWELL Oh my...oh dear...Ziggy, please stop ballooning my face! ZIGGY Oops, sorry Mayor! We were playing pirates. MAYOR MEANSWELL Ahh, pirates! Did you know that LazyTown once had its own real-live pirate? Right here! The kids immediately ooh and aah, gathering around. TRIXIE A real pirate, here in LazyTown? STINGY Who took things and never gave 'em back? TRIXIE And was the boss and had a sword? MAYOR MEANSWELL Yes, the whole story is in the LazyTown Big Book of History in my office. Come with me! SWOOSH TO: INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE - DAY The kids (Stephanie, Ziggy, Trixie and Stingy) are gathered around the Mayor's desk as he reads from the history book. The periscope is peeking up in the b.g. window (if we have one). MAYOR MEANSWELL It was many years ago, when buccaneers sailed the seven seas. ON BOOK - We see a drawing of Rotten Beard - who looks just like Robbie Rotten in pirate gear, with a big black beard. MAYOR MEANSWELL (V.O.) A pirate named Rotten Beard wandered through LazyTown, taking what he wanted, spreading his rottenness to every home. Stingy nods with approval. STINGY Taking what he wanted... ON BOOK - we see a picture of the LazyTown Stone. MAYOR MEANSWELL (V.O.) But one thing he didn't take was the famous LazyTown Stone. ZIGGY (V.O.) The LazyTown Stone! MAYOR MEANSWELL (V.O.) On that stone is written the secret to living in LazyTown. Ziggy reacts. ZIGGY Wow! That sounds like the biggest secret of all time. MAYOR MEANSWELL The stone is right outside. Come on, I'll show you. SWOOSH TO: EXT. CITY HALL - DAY The Mayor, still holding the book, sits with the kids next to a free-standing plaque that looks like it's been broken in half. The broken edge is jagged in a very specific way. (Periscope in b.g.) MAYOR MEANSWELL (still holding book) You see - it says "LazyTown should always be..." The kids lean forward with great interest. STEPHANIE Should always be what? MAYOR MEANSWELL It doesn't say. When Rotten Beard couldn't have it, he broke it, and now that part is missing. The kids sag with disappointment. KIDS [disappointed groans and walla] MAYOR MEANSWELL They say the other half of the stone is buried somewhere out there in a pirate's treasure chest... waiting until the day someone digs it up! TRIXIE Wow!! MAYOR MEANSWELL And... if we ever found it, we would all have to follow whatever it says... See periscope: SWOOSH TO: INT. ROBBIE ROTTEN'S LAIR - DAY Robbie reacts to what he just heard. ROBBIE They'd have to follow whatever it says? So if someone, meaning me, made a fake stone... they'd have to do whatever I wrote on it! Robbie steps over to his work table, upon which sits a slab of stone. He picks up a chisel and mallet. ROBBIE Time to put my skills as a chiseler to good use. TACHATACHATACHTACH! He's done! ROBBIE Ha. Now all I have to do is break it to match the other half... Robbie picks up the mallet and strikes the stone. Nothing (other than pain to Robbie). He tries to pick the stone up... struggles, he bangs it on the table, he tries again. Nothing. ROBBIE [out of breath] He struggles to lift it up over his head to throw it down... ROBBIE Uh-oh.... ...but falls right over backwards. We hear the sound of stone breaking, and Robbie pops back up with half a slab. ROBBIE A perfect match! He dumps it into a "treasure chest". ROBBIE Now to go bury this somewhere where those mini munchkins will find it. (beat) Disguise time! SWOOSH TO: EXT. TOWN HALL - CONTINUOUS Everyone's gathered around still: TRIXIE Come on, Mayor, read some more pirate stuff! MAYOR MEANSWELL Oh yes... let me see... it says that the people of LazyTown were frightened and couldn't stop Rotten Beard. The Mayor lunges forward menacingly and the startled kids lean back in surprise. KIDS [surprised ohhs and eeks] The Mayor poses heroically. MAYOR MEANSWELL But then one day a hero arrived who would stop Rotten Beard and his lazy ways. ON BOOK - a picture of the hero, posed like the Mayor. The kids smile and nod at the sight of the hero. MAYOR MEANSWELL The two began to battle. The hero stood on a wall and nearly fell over. The Mayor stands up, then teeters over the children, his arms cartwheeling. The children react with excitement. ON BOOK - the hero pulls out a sword. MAYOR MEANSWELL (V.O.) He pulled his trusty sword! Ziggy covers his eyes. MAYOR MEANSWELL Then he leaped down. Oh my word, this is exciting! The Mayor's really into it now. Ziggy peeks through his fingers. MAYOR MEANSWELL He somersaulted behind Rotten Beard, slid under his legs and finally defeated him! The Mayor acts this out to the best of his ability. TRIXIE Yeah! He swabbed his deck! The Mayor has to stop and catch his breath. MAYOR But Rotten Beard swore that one day, he would return.... KIDS [oohs, ahhs and shivers] TRIXIE Avast, ye, pirates! Who wants to go find some buried treasure! KIDS Yeah! Let's look for the LazyTown Stone! The kids split. MAYOR Oh, dear... how exciting.... WIPE TO: OMITTED OMITTED EXT. LAZYTOWN - GRASSY AREA - DAY The kids are playing pirate again as they regard a childishly-rendered map that Ziggy is holding upside down. STEPHANIE All right, LazyTown pirates, we're gonna find that buried treasure chest with the LazyTown Stone and - Trixie grabs the map. TRIXIE You mean I'M gonna find it! Stingy approaches, holding up a balloon for a sword. STINGY Ahem... you mean MY treasure chest with MY LazyTown Stone? Ziggy points off screen. ZIGGY GUYS! A real pirate.... STEPHANIE A real pirate what, Ziggy? ZIGGY A real pirate-- TRIXIE --A real pirate makes you walk the plank? ZIGGY A real pirate-- STINGY --Takes all the treasure and doesn't share it? ZIGGY No! A real pirate.... IS THERE! All of the kids turn to look where Ziggy's pointing. EXT. LAZYTOWN - STREET - DAY Robbie Rotten, wearing full pirate gear, including an eye patch and a beard, is riding down the street on a raft (with wheels) and a full sail and a pirate flag that has a Robbie-chinned skull and periscope crossbones on it. ROBBIE Avast, ye wee buccaneers! If it's real treasure ye be seeking, ye best be sailing under the flag of Rotten Beard the pirate, scourge of the...(counts on his fingers)...several seas. Yar! The kids gather around Robbie, amazed. Trixie walks up to Robbie like she's just seen the Holy Grail. TRIXIE THAT's what I'm talking about! KIDS (agreeing) Yar!/Arrr!/Har! ROBBIE I got me a map, I got me a shovel, but I need a pack of puny pirates such as yourselves to help me find the booty! The kids all look at him, puzzled. ZIGGY What did you just say? ROBBIE (quickly) I need help finding the treasure. KIDS Sounds cool!/Awesome! Robbie produces a large sheet of paper and hands it to Stephanie. ROBBIE Full speed ahead. Ye can get started right away. Trixie snatches it away from Stephanie and reads it aloud. TRIXIE Paper towels, milk, Chocolate-covered anchovies... Robbie snatches the paper. ROBBIE Arr! That be my grocery list! Here! He shoves another piece of paper in her hands. CLOSE-UP: MAP OF LAZYTOWN - It has a dotted line traveling over various landmarks, ending with a huge "X". TRIXIE I see the X! The treasure must be over there! ROBBIE Aaarr! I knew you'd make a worthy crew the minute I laid eyes on you! Trixie beams with pride. TRIXIE I love being a pirate! EXT. LAZYTOWN STREETS - DAY SONG: IT'S GOOD TO BE BAD ROBBIE & KIDS ARE SAILING, a song on their lips. Robbie plants a big ol' X on the ground near the wall and tree that will be the location of our climactic battle, smiling evilly. See the ship and crew in b.g. 1. Robbie on ship, singing and sailing. 2. See kids following the map. 3. Robbie singing on ship, hands a mop to Trixie, indicating that he wants her to swab the deck. She hands the mop to Stingy, who looks at it like it was radioactive. 4. Kids walk right by X. 5. Robbie, steering the ship, is exasperated. He motions for Ziggy to take the wheel and stomps offstage. The wheel whips Ziggy around. 6. Kids come the other way and walk right by the X again. 7. Robbie exasperated again. 8. Kids singing on ship. Ziggy hands the mop to Trixie, who shrugs and mops happily. 9. Robbie pointing with emphasis. 10. Kids digging. 11. Robbie singing. 12. Kids digging. 13. Robbie pointing somewhere else. 14. Kids digging again. 15. Robbie singing. 16. All the kids digging different holes, none of them the right one. (Dirt flying everywhere.) 17. Big finish! Final shot: the X is untouched. SWOOSH TO: EXT. LAZYTOWN - WALL - DAY Ziggy walks with a shovel, still searching for treasure. Robbie stands next to the wall, Trixie by his side. Ziggy looks up, left and right. Robbie is frustrated that Ziggy isn't looking in the right place. ROBBIE Sometimes you need to look right under your nose. Under your nose. Your nose. UNDER it. As in DOWN. (BEAT) Oh for goodness sake! Robbie waves his finger in front of Ziggy's nose, finally pointing down. ZIGGY Huh? What's this? ROBBIE We have a winner! Ziggy's standing on the "X". Robbie picks it up. ZIGGY It looks like the X on the map! ROBBIE Why so it does, you clever little cabin boy. Trixie pushes Ziggy out of the way. TRIXIE Outta my way, scurvy dog! She takes the shovel and thrusts it into Stephanie's hands. STEPHANIE Why do I have to dig? TRIXIE Because I have the hook. You dig? STEPHANIE (resigned) Yarrr...I dig. She starts digging some dirt up and hits something solid. STEPHANIE Hey! I found something! Stephanie and Stingy hurry into frame. All of the kids help dig (flinging dirt in Robbie's face in the process). They finally spot the chest. TRIXIE The treasure chest! ROBBIE Arr. What a surprise. The kids pull the chest out of the hole. Slowly, Trixie opens the lid. The kids GASP. Stephanie pulls out the fake fragment. Without even reading it, Stephanie says: STEPHANIE I've got to tell Sportacus! It's the missing piece of stone! She hurries off. ROBBIE Good idea! You go do that... (beat, low)...sucker. SWOOSH TO: EXT. MAILBOX - DAY Stephanie pulls the lever. The message is shot skyward. INT. AIRSHIP - DAY The mail tube arrives (BANK), and Sportacus reads the contents. SPORTACUS They found the missing piece to the LazyTown Stone! Fantastic! Sportacus flips across the floor into the Skutla. SWOOSH TO: OMITTED EXT. TOWN HALL - DAY The Mayor examines the stone, as Stephanie, Trixie, Ziggy, Stingy and Robbie stand by. MAYOR MEANSWELL Oh my! This is a historical moment in history! He places the fragment into the base, next to its mate. MAYOR MEANSWELL A perfect fit. ROBBIE Imagine that. Sportacus flips into frame and meets the Mayor, Robbie, Stephanie, Ziggy, Trixie, and Stingy. SPORTACUS You found the other half of the stone? Good job! STEPHANIE Read it, Sportacus! SPORTACUS (reading) "Lazytown should always be..." MAYOR MEANSWELL Yes? Yes? Sportacus leans down and blows dust off of the plaque. SPORTACUS "LAZY!" ROBBIE Yes! KIDS Lazy!/Oh no!/What can we do? MAYOR MEANSWELL Oh my stars, that's the secret we've been waiting for? ROBBIE It be written in stone. STEPHANIE What does it mean, Sportacus? ROBBIE Why ask that muscle-headed lubber? The answer is as obvious as the hook on me hand: it means everybody has to be laaaaazy. SPORTACUS There's something wrong here. The Mayor looks at the stone. MAYOR MEANSWELL I suppose there's nothing we can do about it, if that's what the Famous LazyTown Stone says. Ziggy tugs on the Mayor's coat. ZIGGY Can I still eat candy? ROBBIE If ye do it in a very lazy way. STEPHANIE Does that mean I can't dance? ROBBIE Not even a sailor's jig. Dejected, Stephanie exits. SPORTACUS Stephanie, wait! Sportacus starts to flip out of frame. Robbie stops him, wagging a finger in his face. ROBBIE Uh uh uh... no flipping. Sportacus shrugs and walks quietly out of frame. He joins Stephanie and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. STEPHANIE Something's really wrong here, Sportacus. SPORTACUS You're right. Something is wrong! STEPHANIE But what are we going to do? CUT TO: INT. ROBBIE ROTTEN'S LAIR - DAY Robbie tosses his pirate hat away and slumps down into his orange chair. He removes the patch from his eye and puts his feet up. He picks up the huge earmuffs and then tosses them aside. ROBBIE Don't need those anymore. (leans back and relaxes and picks up a mirror and regards his reflection) But I may keep the beard, it makes me look rather distinguished. Aahhh...once again my genius has beaten that blue-suited boob, and all that's left is the sweet sounds of doing nothing... forever! He pauses for a moment then his head drops quickly and he starts snoring loudly.
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