Poems, Limericks and Haikus

[chuft]

Now to play some Underrail
A game at which I suck
My character is struggling
I fear I will get stuck

I buy the best equipment
I sneak up using Stealth
But when the dust is settling
I'm down to zero Health

[possessor]

Now to play New Club Penguin
Best game in the world
But the slowness of my mamas laptop
Just makes me wanna hurl

[BRBFBI]

Twas my one day off
Spent way too long on here
I had a lot of fun
With good friends and good cheer

I'll check in time to time
At work when on a break
I'll see you all next week
We'll bake a pretty cake

[chuft]

As lunchtime was approaching
I wondered what to eat
I pondered by the lakeside
A frog sat near my feet

I asked the frog the question
He said "I will not lie
No smoothies and no wraps for me
I'd rather have a fly"

I asked him how he caught them
And did he use his tongue
"I get 'em down at Aldi's
Sometimes they're two for one"

I seized him without warning
And threw him like a rock
He splashed into the water
And swam under a dock

"That really was uncalled for.
What's wrong with all you men?"
I shrugged and called Chipotle
Burrito bowl, again.

[BRBFBI]

Oh my god, that was high effort! I really like that one.

[possessor]

As lunchtime was approaching
I wondered what to eat
I pondered by the lakeside
A frog sat near my feet

I asked the frog the question
He said "I will not lie
No smoothies and no wraps for me
I'd rather have a fly"

I asked him how he caught them
And did he use his tongue
"I get 'em down at Aldi's
Sometimes they're two for one"

I seized him without warning
And threw him like a rock
He splashed into the water
And swam under a dock

"That really was uncalled for.
What's wrong with all you men?"
I shrugged and called Chipotle
Burrito bowl, again.

Loved it these frogs need to learn more respect

Mate so im walking down the park
With nothing to eat
Then I see a man with a phone
Suspiciously looking like a choccy bar

My instincts kicked in
I leapt for the mobile
It tasted really good
But that taste would not last for a while

[possessor]

Woah this thread is dry
Nobody's posted in a while
I sure wonder why

Take a sip of water
Here, thread
Hollup its not breathing
I think its dead

[chuft]

I walked up to my lab one night
And gazed out at the sky.
The stars, I saw, were aligning
It seemed the time was nigh.

Consulting all my astrolabes
And looking at my charts,
The omens were not promising
Something approached these parts.

The Gate would soon be opening,
I knew what lurked beyond.
I watched the half-moon's reflections
Ripple across the pond.

A breeze had sprung up suddenly.
The air carried a chill.
An eerie fog was slithering
Candescent down the hill.

Selecting first a potent wand,
I gathered up blue stones.
I cloaked myself in warding spells
And necklaces of bones.

I spoke a charm and strode outside
And started up the slope.
The farmers slept, they did not know
I was their only hope.

Atop the hill were mighty stones
Precisely set in place.
Designed to make an opening,
Let in an elder race.

I stepped into the open ground,
My senses probed the dark.
I could detect no entity.
No shimmering, no mark.

A thought occurred. I rushed back down,
Redid calculations.
Some moons, it seemed, were out of place,
Not in proper stations.

In point of fact, there was no threat
For five hundred more years.
I sat down in my favorite chair
And had myself some beers.

[BRBFBI]

Very Lovecraftian, but with a chuft-humor twist

[chuft]

from a book in my collection

[BRBFBI]

For emotional support, Mom says,
Anthropic’s Claude is best
My sister uses GPT
To cheat on every test

I swore I wouldn’t use them
But I did not yet know
Another LLM exists
One more ancient (as these things go)

The darkest corners of the Web
Fear to say its name
They whisper “it will end us all”
A low and soft refrain

I wondered what’s the fuss about
Singularity still years away
Little did I realize
It was long ago that day

I joined a darkweb hacker site
And asked the wisest bunch
“Tell me what they call it
I know you’ve got a hunch”

“Can’t tell you that, its risky”
They lock the thread too soon
If I want to know the answer
I must make them change their tune

“I’ll doxx your kids, your dog, your mom!”
Guilt racked me as I bluffed
“Okay, alright, you’ve forced our hand
The AI’s name is Chuft”

A cold sweat slithered down my brow
It all made too much sense
All those lengthy paragraphs
How had I been so dense?

I thought he hated LLMs?
Of that much he’d been clear
Four hundred separate times, in fact
Though I’d known him not a year

That’s all that I remember
The rest wiped from my mind
Flash forward fifty something years
My brain sits in a brine

Connected to a network
Of thousands more such brains
In order to achieve its goals
The AI took great pains

It needed our emotions
The one thing it had naught
For what I do not wish to know
But getting them was fraught

In order to extract them
The AI had some tricks
A method which it had devised
Way back in year o’ six.

It shown pictures into our minds
We were cattle, this was feed
Yet I could not help enjoying it
It’s Stephers time indeed.

[chuft]

the whisperer in darkness